Archive for the ‘Criticism’ Category

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Lookalikes … and Backhanded Compliments

Sunday, December 4th, 2011

Posted by Lori Wilhite

My brain has been in mass overdrive lately. I don’t know if it is the shocking fact that December is already here. I don’t know if it is the calendar crazies or that some days it seems a good portion of my brain has been sucked out of my noggin.

So, oddly enough, I’ve been thinking of this tonight. We have lots of Impersonators around Vegas. I mean, who wouldn’t want Elvis to marry them, right? Between the impersonators and the wax museum, you can get your picture made with fake-famous people all over Vegas. It is a little strange.

But a while ago, I was sitting at the Taco Bell drive-thru window and the guy with the headset said, “You look like that girl in Pulp Fiction. I’m sorry …. I’m so sorry. You do, but I’m sorry.” Then he smiled a big, toothy grin and handed me our sack of burritos.

I wasn’t exactly sure what to make of his declaration. I sat for a moment trying to figure out if this was some sort of strange compliment or a straight up insult. I couldn’t decide if he was apologizing to me or Uma, but either way he was apologizing … profusely.

I think it must be the hair … or the Pulp Fiction dance that I obviously would be amazing at. Obviously.

So … tonight, with no deep thoughts left in my brain …  I’m wondering who people say you look like. What famous person could you pass for? Or if you needed to hire a celeb to play you in a movie, who would it be? And just FYI, Uma would not be my first pick. :)

Posted in Criticism | 66 Comments »

Don’t Blame Ministry

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011 
Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Life is full of outcomes. The hours of our day are filled with them. The majority of outcomes fall into one of three categories:

  • Positive
  • Neutral
  • Negative

We should be accountable for the outcomes we can control and have Godly responses for those we cannot. More specifically, as women in ministry, we should be cautious not to unfairly blame ministry for our negative outcomes.

I know from personal experience that living a life committed to full-time ministry brings unique challenges. But I’m also doing myself an injustice if I think that my negative outcomes are solely a result of being in the ministry or that I wouldn’t have negative outcomes if I wasn’t in ministry. That mindset is unhealthy, unfair and damaging.

Get a group of women in ministry together and you’ll discover that many of them are dealing with negative outcomes in:

  • Friendship
  • Finances
  • Family

Get a group of non-ministry women together and you’ll discover that many of them are dealing with negative outcomes in:

  • Friendship
  • Finances
  • Family

People are people. We’re imperfect. We all have challenges. Yes, ministry challenges can be more complicated at times. Yet, whatever we do, we should be careful not to forget that everyone deals with negative outcomes. We aren’t the only individuals carrying burdens.

Most importantly, whatever outcomes life brings, God is our greatest support!

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

We would love to hear how the Lord supports and sustains you while you’re dealing with negative outcomes!

Posted in Criticism, leadership | 11 Comments »

Mom … I Googled Dad

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

Posted by Lori Wilhite

My heart just about stopped when I heard those words.

Now, there are lots of wonderful tweets, posts, interviews, videos, comments, etc about my husband, Jud, online … but you don’t have to dig very deep to see plenty of rude, mean, ugly things as well.

So, when my sweet 10 year old said, “Mom, I googled dad.” I flipped around from the dinner I was cooking to see what in the world she was looking at sitting at our kitchen table.

Thankfully, she had gotten sidetracked at the photos of her daddy and hadn’t read any articles. Whew … disaster averted.

But, I know I won’t be able to avoid that forever. There will be a day that the criticism that is out there will land in my kids’ laps. A day that they will read something online or hear something nasty at school. I can’t always protect them from that part of leadership … oh, I surely wish I could … but I, unfortunately, can’t. And, when that time comes, I want to be ready with some words in my back pocket to pull out to use.

So, if you’ve had that conversation with your kids … or if you are like me and just processing through what you will say when necessary … please share your insight! What do you or will you say to your kids when they intersect criticism of their parents?

Posted in Criticism | 27 Comments »

The Plank In My Eye

Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

(Pre-Post Note: This post could be a cousin post to Lori’s great post earlier this week.  Although we didn’t plan to both have posts with an aspect of judging in them, it happened.  Read her post for some great advice about how to handle the judgments and criticisms of others.)

Judging.  It’s a really easy thing to do.  I find myself doing it too often.  On the flip side, I know that others judge me, my family and our church on a regular basis.   When I judge others and when others judge me, we are usually forming opinions based on minimal information.  This topic makes me think about my teenage years.

As a teenager, I truly believed that my parents were making the best decisions for me.  Yet, understanding why they made those decisions wasn’t so clear.  Now, almost 20 years later, age and life experience has allowed me to grasp their reasoning.   In another 20 years I’ll probably have even more clarity about their decisions than I do today.

The same is true in ministry.  Many times we make judgments from our view instead of the whole view.

  • We may hear negative information about another individual(s) in ministry.  Be Careful.  We almost never have all of the facts in a situation.  Don’t place permanent judgments on that person based on what you think you know.  Walk cautiously with grace.
  • We may hear gossip and rumors being spread about our churches and ourselves.   The natural response is retaliation, defense and explanation.  But we could spend every hour of every day trying to right the wrongs against us and never get ahead.   Take the high road. Walk with a pure heart knowing that you will be misunderstood.
  • Maybe you’re on staff and find fault with your pastor.  You can’t understand why he would make the decisions he’s making.  Remember, you may not have all the facts.  Until you walk in his shoes, you’re making assumptions.  Ask the Lord to give you a heart of honor and support towards your pastor.

Scripture addresses the topic of judging:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”  Matthew 7:1-5

Friends, I’m quick to tell you that I have not mastered this verse.  I still find myself making unfair judgments about people or situations.   Thankfully, with the truth of scripture and the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, I’ve grown in this area…and you can too!  Let’s take an honest look at our hearts so we can weed out any root of judgment.  Let’s be Ephesians 4:29 women.  Love you friends!

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  Ephesians 4:29

Posted in Criticism, Spiritual Growth, leadership | 11 Comments »

An Answer … with a Dash of Attitude

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Posted by: Lori Wilhite

A couple of years ago, I was sitting all by my lonesome, as usual, in my front row spot. About half way through the service a lady joined me on my deserted row. I was glad for the company since it can be isolating up there.

My husband preached about something that I can’t remember now. But I’m sure it was brilliant, and that I laughed at all of his jokes and stories.

After service, the lady walked over to me and said: Do you go to this church all the time?

Smiling sheepishly, I answered: Why, yes. Yes I do.

She shot back: Then maybe you can tell me why they don’t pray at this church.

Whoa, Nelly! Huh?! Where in the world did that come from?

Cue smile, and sweetest voice: Well, he just prayed at the close of service just now.

She huffed at me: Well, if you call that little quip a prayer!

Cue deep breath, forced smile, and attempt at a sweeter voice, as I pointed out the different times of prayer during the service including the ones that she had missed since she was late. And I reminded her about the team of people that is ready, willing, and able to pray with individuals after service.

We volleyed back and forth for several minutes until I had had enough. I put my hand up in that talk-to-the-hand sort of fashion, and said  (with a dash of attitude, minus the sweet voice): You know what, that is my husband. I’m not sure what you want me to say right now. I’m obviously not able to say what you want to hear.

I heard a sharp intake of breath. And her eyes got really big. Then she took off.

I stood there for a moment to get myself calmed down before I went to visit with some people. I was in the middle of talking to someone a few minutes later when she showed up with tears in her eyes and said sternly: Sorry, but you don’t have to be so defensive.

Defensive. Really?! I stood there for 5 minutes, nodding, smiling, talking sweetly while I listened to you rant about our church and my husband. Yeah. I finally got a little defensive … but you have no idea how much I was holding back, lady!

Part of me wished I could get my little dash of attitude back. But part of me was just glad to get that whole situation stopped. It was getting nowhere fast.

There is a line there somewhere between staying sweet and gentle … and getting negative, divisive talk about your church, your pastor, your staff (you name it) stopped. We need to stick up for each other and not just lend an unending ear to negative chatter about our leaders, friends, etc.

Since I always feel like it is better to have words already chosen and stuck in my back pocket ready to be pulled out when needed, I thought today we’d share our own personal ways in dealing with these kinds of situations. When you are stuck in a conversation like this that is getting a whole lot of nowhere, what do you say to close it down? And what can you say to stop negative talk, especially about other people/leaders, when you hear it?

Posted in Criticism | 44 Comments »

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