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Thursday, January 26th, 2012

Last week you were given a LOVE CHALLENGE! As of today, you have 5 days to prepare your 14 day game plan! (You can get ideas in last week’s blog post.) I enjoyed reading your comments last week and thought I’d highlight a few of them.

“I’m in…pray for conviction and sincerity. My marriage is a challenge at best, but we deserve better and I can do my part to make that happen. I can do anything in Christ who strengthens me!”

I was so proud of our friend for making a choice to take on this LOVE CHALLENGE even though it may be tough. You may be in a situation just like hers, but I challenge you to “do your part” and trust God to help you. Remember these 14 days are about your husband, it’s about rocking his world.

“Love it! I’m in. Just something to remember…we tend to give love like we feel loved (I’m so guilty of this!) Be sure and give love to your man and family in their Love Language…not yours.”

Wondering what “Love Language” is? Gary Chapman wrote a great book titled The 5 Love Languages. You can also visit his website for great marriage resources.

“How fun!! Kinda like a shorter, less intense, version of the Love Dare. Count me in!”

I know! This challenge can be loads of fun!!! What’s the love dare? Check out the The Love Dare website for book info and marriage resources.

I love this! My husband is going to love it even more. Our men like it when we pursue them;)

Right on, Sista! Even though your husband may not tell you that he feels valued and loved when you pursue him, chances are he really likes it! Even if he doesn’t know he likes it, he does!!! Pursuing him may mean you have to step out of your comfort zone and operate out of your normal…you can do it! Find courage in knowing that your Leading and Loving It friends around the world are doing it too. Plus, the more you pursue your husband the more comfortable you will feel. As they say, practice makes perfect.

“I LOVE THIS!!! I’m going to do it:) My husband and I are in the biggest transition of our lives and although God has been moving us forward I have to admit it has been rough on our marriage…I must THANK GOD for his grace. I believe the best thing we’ve done is to talk it through no matter what and pray for each other. I believe this challenge will be balm to my marriage.”

I love that she thanks God for his grace. So true. Where would we be without God’s grace? Transitions, both positive and negative, always impact a marriage. Marriage is the first transition! Then comes careers, children, friendships, ministry and on and on… If a transition has impacted your marriage in an undesirable way, I encourage you to join our friend in bringing healing to your marriage with this LOVE CHALLENGE.

All right ladies, let’s do this! Again, we would love to hear what you’re doing for the LOVE CHALLENGE. We all need 14 ways to purposefully love our husbands. Comment with your ideas.

Posted in Marriage, leadership | 5 Comments »

Love Challenge

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

Ladies, you have 13 days before your challenge begins!!! What challenge, you ask? The February LOVE CHALLENGE! That’s right. I realize that Valentine’s Day is a mass consumer holiday leaving people with feelings of obligation, but you can totally rock your man’s world by beating him to the big day.

What is the February LOVE CHALLENGE?

Fourteen days full of ooey, gooey expressions of love for your husband, beginning on February 1 and ending on February 14. Basically, one purposeful act of love each day for 14 days.

Are you a little rusty at this? Not sure what to do? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Write a love note and tape it to his steering wheel, leave it on his pillow, place it by his bathroom sink or put it by his plate at dinner.
  • Make him his favorite dessert or snack…something he doesn’t usually get.
  • Plan a surprise date. If needed, schedule a sitter and take him out to his favorite place.
  • Rent one of his favorite “guy” movies and snuggle up to him.
  • Make extra effort to support your husband, vocalize your support to him.
  • Put on something sexy and initiate intimacy.
  • Give him something that would remind him of your favorite memories together.
  • Treat him like your King when he gests home. Let him sit in his favorite spot; serve him dinner in his favorite spot while he watches his favorite TV shows.
  • Give him a massage.
  • Pick a day and text him 10 things you love about him through the day.
  • Surprise him at work with a lunch.
  • Buy him a gift.
  • Make him a play list of “your songs”. Don’t have any? Make a play list of songs that express how you feel about him.
  • Be the you he feel in love with!

Whether you are in a great marriage, a dull marriage, or a marriage in trouble, you can positively impact your marriage by initiating acts of love.

Who wants to join me in this February LOVE CHALLENGE? You have 13 days to get your game plan together. Let’s help one another out, add to the suggestion list and get the ideas rolling!

Posted in Marriage, leadership | 62 Comments »

Marriage 1st

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Posted by Tiffany Cooper

Today I’m answering one of the questions asked after last week’s post.

What are some of the ways you put your marriage first?

Answer:

My marriage is my greatest priority behind my relationship with the Lord.  Here are a few ways I make my marriage a priority.

  1. I’ve learned what makes him happy and do my best to make those things happen.  I wouldn’t know what makes him happy if we didn’t have honest talks.  I try to think HE, not ME when it comes to making him happy.  And my husband’s actions reflect the attitude of SHE, not ME.
  2. We discuss and mutually agree on all decisions that affect our family and marriage.  Most decisions, whether big or small, are easy to make because we know what our goals are.   His thoughts and opinions are priority over other peoples, anytime on any day.
  3. We are intense about protecting our date nights and time together.  My husband is a big planner and he schedules our dates for the entire year in January.  For 14 years, we have always had date nights, no matter the season of ministry.
  4. We set extreme boundaries to protect our marriage.
  5. I am purposeful to work on my marriage.  We know anything worth having takes work and dedication but sometimes we think it should just happen naturally in marriage.  That is a totally lie…marriage requires work and dedication!  We should work more at our marriage than our professions, our hobbies, etc.  While some of the work is challenging, most of the work is fun!!?

***

How do you make your marriage a priority?

Posted in Marriage, leadership | 13 Comments »

After the Wedding Wednesday … Fighting Fair

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

Posted by Jenni Clayville

You can see all of the After the Wedding series and contact Jenni here.

We fight.

Brian and I fight. And though it may not be as explosive as it used to be, the reality is we are married… and fighting is just part of the territory.

After 10 years, sometimes it seems as if we are still incapable of communicating the way we need in order to fully understand each other. Yet, we also know each other’s happy and not-so-happy buttons… and we know when we want to push which ones.

And it comes down to the choice of the fight.

It comes down to our choice of words and our reactions:
Do I choose to believe he’s out to hurt me?
Do I choose to hurt him back?
Do I puff up my pride, dig in my heals to win?

And this is where the damage can happen.

All of us go through this… maybe subconsciously… but we do. Somewhere, deep inside, we want to believe we are unlovable so all of a sudden our husbands are our enemy too. And we wait. We wait till he says that ONE thing that is a bit off the sensitive radar (some of our husbands seem to not have a sensitive radar at all) and that’s when we choose to go NUCLEAR on him.

Here’s the thing. 10% of what happens to us is truly out of our control. 90% is HOW we react to it.

So, what do we do?

1.  Believe he has your best interest in mind and heart. He married YOU. And in return, have HIS best interest in your heart as well.

2. Instead of biting back, ask questions. Ask a lot of questions. Instead of assuming what he meant… ask him. “When you said ‘this’, it hurt my feelings. Did you mean to say it that way?” is a fair response to when you’ve been hurt.

3. Call for a time-out. They’re not just for your kids. And when you call a time-out. Make sure you call a time-in. Also… it’s helpful to give specifics in your time-out, like, “I need you to not talk to me for 30 minutes. I just need to process and we can talk about this again, then, ok?” works really well. After 30 minutes, both of us have had time to cool off and have a bit more clarity.

4. Marriage has no room for pride. If you always have to win the arguments, then you married a loser.  YOU MARRIED A LOSER. Which really makes you a loser too. Find a way for everyone to win.

5. It’s ok to have disagreements in front of your kids. They need to learn that life has conflict. But more importantly… they need to see you guys resolve your disagreements. This teaches them HOW to deal with conflict. That life isn’t over and you’re not hated if you disagree with someone. If your parents are anything like mine (mine are divorced) … this was a skill they NEVER taught me.

Marriage is hard. Most of them don’t make it anymore. Because it takes effort. Because it takes surrendering your pride.  But it doesn’t mean you don’t fight.

It just means you fight fair.

Posted in Marriage | 4 Comments »

After the Wedding Wednesday … It Happened Again

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

Posted by Cindy Beall
(You can see the the entire After the Wedding Series and contact Cindy here.)

It Happened Again

Not to me, but to Suzanne*.

I don’t know her, but I got an email recently that said this:

please pray for me. my husband just confessed his affair to me. we’re in ministry. i’m dying over this.

I’m heavier than normal over this. To be real honest, this was the 6th or 7th email I had gotten over a 7-day period. I get pretty used to these types of emails and have even gotten the “oh it’s just another adultery email” attitude before.

Try not to judge me for my callousness. I don’t want to have those thoughts. But I do sometimes. I do because adultery is everywhere. People are vacationing from their wedding vows at the first sign of chemistry with another.

But getting this email from Suzanne was different. I have no idea why. I’ve never met her. I’d never even heard of her.

Don’t let the “we’re in ministry” thing surprise you. Pastors are fallen humans, too. But I wonder how they’ll handle it. I have no idea if there will be attempts to sweep it under the rug and put a nice, pretty bow on top of a lot of “I’m sorry and this will never happen again” comments. If this happens, the marriage is as sure as over in my opinion. And chances are, it could happen again if complete brokenness isn’t present.

Because people are stupid, y’all. They aren’t smart. They don’t protect themselves or their marriages. They feed their flesh and by doing so discard their spirit. They act like this sort of thing will never happen to them. And because people are stupid, there are other people who get hurt in the process. People like Suzanne and her children. She doesn’t deserve it. They don’t deserve it. At all. No one does.

And any of us can be on this same path if we think we’re above such sins. I’m at the top of the list. It could have been me.

The Kingdom of God will take a major hit for this. And I suppose that is what breaks my heart the most. Thankfully, our God is a lot bigger than a man’s bad choice. And if they’ll let Him, He can turn this whole thing inside out and make it bring more glory to His holy name.

I don’t want to sound like a broken record here. I really don’t. I’m sure people are sick of me posting things like this and about how we need to be wise and guard our marriages. So, I’ll make a deal with you.

I’ll quit writing about adultery when it quits happening.

What do you do to avoid “stupid” in your marriage? Let us know the top three things you and your husband do to protect your marriage.

Posted in Marriage | 11 Comments »

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