Posted by Brandi Wilson
The last time I was with Lori and Tiffany both of them used their influence to encourage me to write a post about why I choose to do friendship with people in our church and on our staff. Nothing says love like positive peer pressure.
Honestly, it’s a topic I’m hesitant to write on because there are so many different view points. So many pastors’ wives I know have been hurt by friendship, trust is hard to rebuild and in ministry putting yourself out there also means you’re putting your entire family out there as well. I’d be lying if I said friendship in ministry has always been easy… I have been hurt and I’m sure I’ve also done some (unintentional) hurting.
But choosing to have friends isn’t one-dimensional for me, so this post will probably develop into several parts, and in each part I want to hear your feedback. Relationships in ministry is something we get questions about a lot… to me your discussion in the comments is as important as anything I will say in any of these posts.
We often talk about the provision of God. I sincerely believe one of the reasons I choose to have local friendships is because of a friendship God provided me early in my life.
My childhood best friend was a PK.
God created me as a relational being. He knew as he weaved me together in the womb that friendships were going to be an important part of who I would be. Before I took my first breath he knew I would marry a pastor.
And in 5th grade God gave me a precious friendship. Our small, traditional Baptist church hired a new pastor. His middle child was my age and we became fast friends. Her name is Leslie and even just the thought of her brings a warmth to my heart. She was my first true friend. A friend I grew up with… and all inside the four walls of a pastor’s home.
Leslie was considered a part of our family. My parents loved her as their own and hers loved me the same way. It was one of those friendships you see in a movie or read about in a book… but without all the drama. We could finish each other’s sentences and can still laugh indefinitely about an inside joke from 20 years ago.
My first true friendship was with a pastor’s kid.
I was in their home during good and bad times. I heard conversations about folks in the church who weren’t happy or didn’t approve of how they chose to parent. I saw them manage expectations. I watched them love seeing lives changed for Christ. I saw the pressures and watched them take their toll. I experienced the love of their family. I watched them celebrate at baptisms and give the benefit of the doubt to those who might not receive it anywhere else. I saw them wade through hurt and betrayal. I learned life lessons I wasn’t even aware I needed to know.
Did I understand it all at such a young age? Did I realize their life was different because they were in ministry. No, but I do believe God used that experience in my life to prepare me for what my life looks like now.
There’s no coincidence in the fact I’m a pastor’s wife who spent many of her influential years inside the home of my childhood pastor.
So, one reason I choose to have friends is because it’s a gift He gave me at a young age.
What’s one way you see God’s provision in your life to help you as you grow as a pastor’s wife or women in ministry??
