All You Need to Know …
The JustONE Conference starts MONDAY! Woo-hoo!
This is the quick guide for everything that you need to know:
1. The JustONE website: http://live.mediasocial.tv/leadingandlovingit
2. You can watch JustONE through Facebook. Just “like” our FB page, click JustONE, and jump in: http://www.facebook.com/leadingandlovingit
3. The official hashtag: #justoneconf
4. To join in on the chat, just sign in with your FB or tweet in using #justoneconf
5. This week’s session will be shown 4 times (Monday and Tuesday 11am EST/8am PST and 9pm EST/6pm PST). You’ll get to hear:
“Teach believers with your life: by word, by demeanor, by love, by faith, by integrity.”
Speaker 1: Kay Warren, @KayWarren1 Senior Pastor’s Wife and Founder of the HIV & AIDS Initiative at Saddleback Church
Speaker 2: Jenni Catron, @JenniCatron Executive Director at Cross Point Church
Speaker 3: Michelle Meeks, @MichelleMeeks Senior Pastor’s Wife at Eastlake Community Church
Speaker 4: Jessica Cornelius, @jesicacornelius Senior Pastor’s Wife and Director or EmpowHER and Missions at Bay Area Fellowship
Speaker 5: Heather Palacios, @leadHership Executive Pastor’s Wife at Church by the Glades
6. Preview of week 2 January 30/31:
“And that special gift of ministry you were given when the leaders of the church laid hands on you and prayed–keep that dusted off and in use.”
Speaker 1: Makeda Pennycooke, @makeda619 Executive Pastor at Freedom House Church
Speaker 2: Holly Furtick, @hollyfurtick Lead Pastor’s Wife at Elevation Church
Speaker 3: Julie Richard, @JulieSRichard Senior Pastor’s Wife and Director of Sisterhood at Lake Hills Church
Speaker 4: Tricia Lovejoy, @tricialovejoy Lead Pastor’s Wife and Leader of Girlfriends at Mountain Lake Church
Speaker 5: Lisa Hughes, @lisahughes Senior Pastor’s Wife at Church by the Glades
Fun Friday…Defining Moments For Our Children
Posted by: Jessica Cornelius
My son Mason turned 13. This age is a big deal because it marks the teenage years, and in most cultures, it’s the day a boy becomes a man. I wonder how many teenagers would make wiser decisions if they knew they were a man and didn’t have to prove it by doing something stupid or immoral (or both)? Having said that, we decided to have a rite of passage ceremony at the beach. A rite of passage denotes rituals marking the transitional phase between childhood and full inclusion into a tribe or social group. We invited men that Mason looks up to and none of his friends, so that Mason could really focus on the importance of the event. I didn’t get to go either, it was guys only.
We have always told our children that when they turn 13 they are going to have a rite of passage ceremony. We told them it was all a secret, and they wouldn’t be able to find out anything about it until the special day. We have talked about it so much over the years that they have built it up in their minds to this grand epic event. After many hours of research, planning, and praying, it ended up being even more epic than I expected. God exceeded my expectations! I thought it was just going to be a special time to celebrate a milestone in Mason’s life. Oh no…Mason came home that night with a fresh passion for the Lord. I could tell from the look on his face that he had just had a life changing night!!!! The best way to describe it is that something was unlocked in him. Through tears he told me it was the best day of his life, and he will never forget it. He said that he didn’t know everyone loved him that much. In my mind I was thinking, “What?!?! How can you not know that?” He also told me about all of the wisdom he gained from the men that were there.
Before Mason went to bed he asked if he could pray with us. Then he said in his prayer, “I feel like tonight was the appetizer,” referring to the rest of his life being something to really look forward to. What happened is really simple. The men in Mason’s life helped place destiny in his heart and he accepted it to become a man. Here’s how it went down:
Mason is “kidnapped” in our house by two staff members. (We added this part to make it “epic”, as Mason would say). It didn’t end up very scary because our staff guys got the wrong kid, and I started laughing. Watch the video here.
When they got to the beach Mason was so surprised to see all of the men around a big bonfire, cheering for him. They started with the Wisdom Walk.
The Wisdom Walk is where different men walk with Mason from the bonfire to a dune with a valley in it that they deemed the “Valley of Manhood.” On the walk, the men shared a word of wisdom with Mason. Then they watched him shoot an arrow at a target set up for him and then prayed with him. Bil walked with Mason first. They weren’t there five minutes before they were both crying. Bil told him how much he approved of him, believed in him and shared that he is destined for greatness (which he has told him his whole life). Then Bil prayed with him. On the walk back, Mason said, “Dad, can we slow down? I want this to last.”
After all the wisdom walks were done, two friends began to beat drums (very tribal!) while they all put war paint on. Then they shaved some of Mason’s hair off with drums beating and all the guys hooping and hollering. When I researched rights of passage I found that this is often done so that the person comes away looking different. It represents a new beginning.
I had also read that there was usually a test of bravery. So Mason had to walk into the ocean, in the dark, to pull out an anchor that one of the guys had placed in the water earlier. Our beach is shallow for a long way out, but it is still creepy to go out sixty feet, in the dark, all alone. I picked an anchor so Mason would always have a visual to remind him that God’s Word is an anchor in his life. It keeps him from floating off and making unwise decisions.
After that, Bil talked with Mason about being a godly man and had him repeat a pledge that Bil wrote. He prayed over Mason while weeping, and then talked about Exodus 20:4, mentioning God’s blessing extending to generations. Then Bil asked his dad (Mason’s grandfather) to pray for Mason while all the men laid hands on him. You can see the pledge here.
What have you done, or plan on doing for a special time in your child’s life?
Love Challenge
Ladies, you have 13 days before your challenge begins!!! What challenge, you ask? The February LOVE CHALLENGE! That’s right. I realize that Valentine’s Day is a mass consumer holiday leaving people with feelings of obligation, but you can totally rock your man’s world by beating him to the big day.
What is the February LOVE CHALLENGE?
Fourteen days full of ooey, gooey expressions of love for your husband, beginning on February 1 and ending on February 14. Basically, one purposeful act of love each day for 14 days.
Are you a little rusty at this? Not sure what to do? Here are a few suggestions:
- Write a love note and tape it to his steering wheel, leave it on his pillow, place it by his bathroom sink or put it by his plate at dinner.
- Make him his favorite dessert or snack…something he doesn’t usually get.
- Plan a surprise date. If needed, schedule a sitter and take him out to his favorite place.
- Rent one of his favorite “guy” movies and snuggle up to him.
- Make extra effort to support your husband, vocalize your support to him.
- Put on something sexy and initiate intimacy.
- Give him something that would remind him of your favorite memories together.
- Treat him like your King when he gests home. Let him sit in his favorite spot; serve him dinner in his favorite spot while he watches his favorite TV shows.
- Give him a massage.
- Pick a day and text him 10 things you love about him through the day.
- Surprise him at work with a lunch.
- Buy him a gift.
- Make him a play list of “your songs”. Don’t have any? Make a play list of songs that express how you feel about him.
- Be the you he feel in love with!
Whether you are in a great marriage, a dull marriage, or a marriage in trouble, you can positively impact your marriage by initiating acts of love.
Who wants to join me in this February LOVE CHALLENGE? You have 13 days to get your game plan together. Let’s help one another out, add to the suggestion list and get the ideas rolling!
After The Wedding Wednesday… Expected Trust
Posted by Cindy Beall
You can see all the “After the Wedding Wednesdays” and contact Cindy here.
I was communicating with a woman recently who is heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken over her husband’s unfaithfulness. They’ve been married over a dozen years and have children together. As you can imagine, she is beside herself and doesn’t even know which way is up.
But she does know down.
Because she’s been on her knees crying her eyes out for weeks now hoping that the pain will subside. That the anger will diminish. That her life will “get back to normal”.
But this is her new normal. She just hasn’t gotten to the place to embrace it yet. And understandably so. It takes time.
Lots of time.
She shared with me that her husband is tired of her being upset and questioning him. Asking who he was talking to, who texted him, who sent that email. As if that didn’t add insult to injury, he told her that she needed to get over it and move on. That he should be trusted.
Um, ’scuse me?
Trusted?
If I could take a second to tell you how I feel about the situation:
Sir, you broke your marriage vows, went behind your wife’s back and decided to get naked with another woman. Not just once, but continually for over a year and a half while your wife was at home cooking YOUR meals, taking care of YOUR home, and raising YOUR children. Not only that, but despite the emotionally absent atmosphere that you brought into the home, she remained faithful and true despite how she felt. She didn’t yearn for another man’s touch. She yearned for yours, but you were giving those touches to another woman. Your wife prayed for you and believed in you when you weren’t worth believing in. And you think you deserve to be trusted? Think again.
I never had to give that speech to my husband. Ever. From the day he confessed nearly eight years ago until right now, he has owned what he did and done everything in his power to earn my trust back. And I’m forever grateful for that.
And maybe that is why I get angry when I hear that people who break the hearts of their spouses by betraying them expect trust to be given right back.
It takes a while, a long while, for that trust to be reinstated. And even when it’s reinstated, it’s never the same.
It’s a new trust. It’s a new normal.
It has to be.
Earn it.
Why I Have Friends… Part 1
Posted by Brandi Wilson
The last time I was with Lori and Tiffany both of them used their influence to encourage me to write a post about why I choose to do friendship with people in our church and on our staff. Nothing says love like positive peer pressure.
Honestly, it’s a topic I’m hesitant to write on because there are so many different view points. So many pastors’ wives I know have been hurt by friendship, trust is hard to rebuild and in ministry putting yourself out there also means you’re putting your entire family out there as well. I’d be lying if I said friendship in ministry has always been easy… I have been hurt and I’m sure I’ve also done some (unintentional) hurting.
But choosing to have friends isn’t one-dimensional for me, so this post will probably develop into several parts, and in each part I want to hear your feedback. Relationships in ministry is something we get questions about a lot… to me your discussion in the comments is as important as anything I will say in any of these posts.
We often talk about the provision of God. I sincerely believe one of the reasons I choose to have local friendships is because of a friendship God provided me early in my life.
My childhood best friend was a PK.
God created me as a relational being. He knew as he weaved me together in the womb that friendships were going to be an important part of who I would be. Before I took my first breath he knew I would marry a pastor.
And in 5th grade God gave me a precious friendship. Our small, traditional Baptist church hired a new pastor. His middle child was my age and we became fast friends. Her name is Leslie and even just the thought of her brings a warmth to my heart. She was my first true friend. A friend I grew up with… and all inside the four walls of a pastor’s home.
Leslie was considered a part of our family. My parents loved her as their own and hers loved me the same way. It was one of those friendships you see in a movie or read about in a book… but without all the drama. We could finish each other’s sentences and can still laugh indefinitely about an inside joke from 20 years ago.
My first true friendship was with a pastor’s kid.
I was in their home during good and bad times. I heard conversations about folks in the church who weren’t happy or didn’t approve of how they chose to parent. I saw them manage expectations. I watched them love seeing lives changed for Christ. I saw the pressures and watched them take their toll. I experienced the love of their family. I watched them celebrate at baptisms and give the benefit of the doubt to those who might not receive it anywhere else. I saw them wade through hurt and betrayal. I learned life lessons I wasn’t even aware I needed to know.
Did I understand it all at such a young age? Did I realize their life was different because they were in ministry. No, but I do believe God used that experience in my life to prepare me for what my life looks like now.
There’s no coincidence in the fact I’m a pastor’s wife who spent many of her influential years inside the home of my childhood pastor.
So, one reason I choose to have friends is because it’s a gift He gave me at a young age.
What’s one way you see God’s provision in your life to help you as you grow as a pastor’s wife or women in ministry??
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